she looked like the bat from fern gully.
we're drinking boxed wine and eating string cheese. It's like a wine tasting for poor people.
I smoked weed with pregnant girl. I'm going to hell.
They both told everyone they fell in a mud puddle
Oh they definetly fell in the mud, repeatedly, on top of each other
Judging by the hole in the wall by the door, the mis-matched shoes by the door, and the door hanging off one hinge... i'd say he's on the loose.
And by hung out you mean you were in my bed for 5 minutes while your penis was in my mouth.
the doctor said its the kinda of pregnant you dont recover from
You're the only true friend I have, if true friendship is based off who would be there for me at 4am during a boxed wine crisis.
I woke up this morning to my house being turned into a bad European dance club at 8:30am. Do you know what "UNS UNS UNS" sounds like at 8:30am? Murder. It sounds like murder.
I need to pay that drinking in public ticket, but I also really want to get a spray tan next week... so priorities.
I rammed pretzels and Jell-O shots down the throats of those I loved.
Then we woke up and they shouted "Emergency Vodka!!" and that's how we got redrunk.
Everytime I come home this stoned I masturbate in the shower for that long, its like my lonely ritual. Accept me.
Everyone got an underage but her
How'd she get out of it?!
She hid in the FUCKING DRYER
Sorry I missed your call earlier. I was getting high with my high school band teacher.
Randomize
