Do you think Conan would leave his wife for me?
LA Sucks. The only way i can get laid is if i tell people im at a law firm that represent film producers.
And when they figure it out, they act like IM shallow.
she's not going to take you seriously with an empty 40 and a sombrero on your head.
you know you made it when your beer pong table is made from imported italian hardwood
I'm just gonna be the bigger person here and say I want you inside me
i think my love is proven by the fact that i still want to have sex with you after this conversation
For when you/if you wake up tomorrow.. You broke 4 of the bar's glasses tonight and I am currently watching you as you ride the broom around the bar instead of cleaning up your mess. I am no longer able to come up with excuses for you.
2 more and I will have fucked 75 percent of my acting class. best. elective. ever.
She told me my pubes were as soft as "fine wool"
somehow this turned into a costume party you have to get here now with my banana suit or I'm wearing my birthday suit
Yeah I was convinced everyone knew I was high. Time was passing way too slowly for anyone NOT to notice.
I'm straight up riding in the back of my truck in a bean bag chair right now. Feet propped up and four loko in hand. Glorious.
I don't know man. She said my cock made her promises my heart couldn't fulfill.
No no. Thank you. Killed multiple birds with one penis.
Apparently when you start crushing adderall and blending them into your margaritas calling them blenderalls you have "a problem" WTF
Randomize
