Hey, kurt drew a penis on you and wrote my innotals. I had nothing to do a/ that.
guess who just spent driver's ed figuring out how to draw a guy giving head
I woke with a ring of glitter around my dick.... I kinda don't want to wash it off
Stuck behind a lady in her 70's purchasing a plastic handle of vodka and nothing else. She is writing a check. Hello future.
he found my favorite bra, 3 thongs and a pair of jeans and gave them back. i love move out day.
just went to the store to buy a mop & tampons. i feel like i just gave in to all those women jokes.
She forgot my birthday again. How do you forget something that came out of your vagina???
I feel like I'm taking part in a surprise porno. At least my hair looked good.
I would never do this in real life. It's only college.
I woke up to her screaming at the various pictures of nutsacks she found on her camera
She's posted my bail. Twice. Of course I'm going to be her wing girl.
Next Halloween, remind me to find a different wingman. Walking out in your pirate costume talking like Captain Ahab while i was banging her and telling me I had to harpoon the white whale really pissed her off.
I think that's the first time Navy dress blues and a Ninja Turtles onesie have been involved in the same makeout.
I last recall trying to play piano and asking justin for drugs. I would like to think I then gracefully laid down on the couch and shut my eyes like a sleeping kitten.
but I'm still not sure how you became more and more fluent in Spanish the drunker you got
Randomize
