it took me about 5 minutes before I knew it was in her ass. i thought the first time would be a bit more special
I'm about to tackle a 10 year old off a sea doo
We fucked on top of all of our English papers in celebration of the semester ending.
I don't remember anything past "we have 15 minutes to drink this keg."
I'm silent, like a masturbating ninja.
We decided it was acceptable to walk out of class on a quest for Doritos. That high.
First night sober since New Years. I'm not sure what hurts more, the hangover or the credit dread when I find out what the tickets to Bali actually cost.
Just woke up with an entire pack of Oreos in my cheetah onesie. I've been waiting for this moment forever.
how do you make "fuck me in the break room" sound casual?
Like these jerks could have told me it wasn't a video call, I wouldn't have put on pants.
How am i even supposed to meet his daughter? "Hi, Claire, I hear we have so much in common, like we both love your Dad and also we're almost the same age."
Just had someone from Hells Angels snort coke off my tits...so I'm pretty much done with life now. 💀
i just want things to go smoothly
oh they won't lmao
i just watched a 27 minute video about owls...that high.
and by running errands I mean eating an entire bag of milanos by myself in the Walmart parking lot
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