the lady at Walgreens winked at me when i asked where the cherry chapstick was... damn u katy perry!
woke up and she was making me crepes. definitely not the last time i fuck a culinary student
Just saw a girl trying to crack an egg with her butt cheeks. I think I know what we're doing thursday night.
It got kind of awkward when her dad brought home a 20 something asian girl at 3am
I can trace it back to that drunken night where we peed on each other in the shower.
If you didn't damage your room so much from fucking so hard we would have got more of our security deposit back
I resent that
I have a vague memory of you tryin to ride a unicycle through jimmy johns
I started crying then my dog licked his dick so yeah.. Kind of ruined the moment.
Best sex of my life. But I think it's because I like his apartment. Really nice bed sheets. High vaulted ceilings. I wanted to lay there forever.
You're getting old. Was it located in a nice school district for your future offspring?
Like how hard is it to come up to me with chocolate and wine and say "hey, you're beautiful. Wanna marathon Doctor Who in sweatpants?" Hell yes!
In my top drawer right now, there are see's chocolates, condoms, weed, and my vibrator. One way or another, this is going to be a good night
i just had diarrhea that people from the 1930's would have died from
But of course I'm in. After all, what fun would the holidays be without trying to find the perfect gift to impress someone you've never met, but need the approval of??
I have successfully trained your dog to bring me pudding cups!
Do you know how hard it is to have sex on an air matress while there are people sleeping in the same room?!?!?
Randomize
