laying in bed listening to christian music, jealous of the hope they have for their life. also need to beat off, can i think about you?
Why dose there have to be another girl there for you to do this?
its hotter. Way hotter.
I remember saying "sorry" to the blunt before throwing it out the window
I only broke up with her because the ex sex is amazing. She will do ANYTHING if i even hint at getting back together
I'm drinking whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
My professor complimented me on the well drawn penis on my face then asked if I would like a seat closer to the garbage can.
Tequila bombs in champagne seemed like a good idea at the time.
I clipped one of my extensions in his hair to give him a rat tail. What is my life?
I will sleep with anyone I have to to make sure you don't get deported
So apparently nutella and chocolate body paint aren't actually the same thing.
Drunkenly tried to auction off Merik's pancakes at Ihop. Apparently I make a great auctioneer. Also, no one wants 30 cent pancakes.
Too bad pet owners lack respect for my training in ancient Buddhist and holistic rehab therapies.
I'm not sure the Buddhist consider pot brownies holistic rehab therapy
Pretty sure I was impersonating Rihanna when I kept asking him what my name was while we were making out
Drunk Sam makes promises that Sober Sam can't keep
her nickname was handjob. I knew what i was getting into.
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