She said "You blew my mind last night." and I said "nah, I just blew my load." and her mom heard.
I am scared. I picture you doing a keg stand on a sinking ship with hula girls cheering you on. Please text me when you get back to shore...or now would be good
She said to delete the bj video, but I accidentally hit the 'send to her bf' button. My bad
It's like there's a party and my mouth and everyone's throwing up
I slept in bed with them the night they met. I once peed on the bride. And now I get to give a speech at their wedding. Piece of cake.
Printing the vagina inspector badge was money well spent.
Just met me in 10 years...this lady keeps an emergency wine cooler in her bag
i think my love is proven by the fact that i still want to have sex with you after this conversation
I told her that I was going up to my room to lay in front of a fan without pants on, watching Avengers and she still wanted to get with me. I have to marry her.
I gasped. Both pairs of lips did.
RA just said I set the all time record for a student who lost houseing..30min..I was moveing out while my new roomate was moveing in. know of any off campous places to stay??
I think it's a scientific achievement that I can make jelly that is 95% vodka so suck it up.
its 4am. iam sitting in the luggage car of the train eating beef jerkey. i feel like a hobo.
dont insult. no hobo is as pathetic as you.
In the words of Disney’s Jafar, “desperate times call for desperate measures.”
My GF, FWB and Side piece are all booty calling me. I’m a victim of my sexual success
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