I'm drinking on the job... HEAVILY
so then you didnt wanna fuck tonight right?
oops, you werent supposed to get that until you left.
How old was that tiny chick? she needs a lard iv.
Told a girl i wanted to feel her bellybutton from the inside... I need to learn how to flirt
I looked up to you, until I saw her walk out of your room.
His penis was definitely too big to be the type that wants commitment. Shit.
Is "blowjob enthusiast" a bad costume?
We're lucky we aren't prostitutes by now. Whats the etiquette for returning a pair of heels with blood on them?
Lol okay. He's gonna show up with like a trunk of sex toys. He's like the mary poppins of hotel fucking.
Hey I'm not sure why your jacket's covered in maple syrup but I just realized you didn't leave the house earlier wearing a jacket...
You don't realize it's a small world until your ex girlfriend's dad unintentionally messages you on grindr..what.the.fuck.
This is home. And home is where you find your family. And you try not to make out with your family.
At this point i guess a traditional, non-life-threatening pity fuck is too much to ask for
I should start prefacing bondage with girls saying "I know you've read 50 Shades, but there is a 33% you're gonna freakout and go home, while I jerk it alone"
I sit across from him at graduation so I get to stare at him and think about how I fucked his step brother and laugh to myself
Randomize
