by the end of the night i am guaranteed to have less of a face than Seal....
In hindsight maybe we should have moved his homework instead of playing quarters on top of it.
We uncovered another pile of vomit after you left. And i am not talking about the one in the vase
She whispered into my eat that she wanted me to fuck her while her parrot watched...
You slept with a red coat way too close to independence day. It's just very unpatriotic.
I think the world is coming to an end. Earthquakes, huricanes, floods, and now you say you LOVE him. Im building a shelter and going into hiding.
I got carried to one bar. Got a piggy back ride to the next bar. I was just testing our drinking team for st pattys day to make sure they are able to handle me more drunk than that.
It hits you later. Like when you wake up on the floor under a puzzle later.
Met my future wife peeing in the men's room. I stood in for the missing door on the stall. We really hit it off talking about how her butt didn't even touch the seat from all the years of squat lifting in high school.
The bros used their bong water as pong water but I walked in mid game and didn't know so they hit our first cup and I chugged it.
I threw up in bed last night and tried cleaning it with oldspice and baby powder
My boss stocked the communal fridge with Gatorade. It's like he wants me to come in hungover.
There is a guy down by the river wearing a zebra print speedo and a sombrero, with a beer in each hand, screaming "This is America bitches!"
I got eaten out in the igloo at snow-kings castle last night.My thighs were literally melting ruts in the ice bench.Definitely colder than the minus 40 blowjob at Desiree's wedding
Fuck this virus. We’re finally back on campus but the bars suck parties are banned sports are canceled we eat in our rooms and can’t fucking hangout with anyone. I’m tired of virtual classes and involuntary celibacy
OMG IKR! It’s not college unless we’re puking in a toilet wondering if we’re pregnant or just hungover!
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