What are these yellow papers in the kitchen?
These are the tickets we got last night.
Did i sign this one as Grizzly Bear?
Yes...yes you did.
We just picked up about 540 lbs of women....
I lost count of how many people I peed on last night.
Worst PDA I've ever seen. She even licked the mustard off his mustach
we just got kicked out of the mexican restaurant. i have a full pitcher of margarita's hiding under my coat.
Somebody left a mini pitcher in the bathroom. Think its safe?
He told me that a camel appeared out of nowhere and it told him to quit smoking...
If it snows I'm just gonna sit at my house in my costume and drink beer by myself all night.
You kept trying to throw the grocery cart off the balcony.
Yeah! I was just fired because there was an over hire and the new girl is hotter than me. Seeing as how the new girl is my baby sister I think punching my manager is excusable.
We got out of the car in valet drinking beers we gave the valet one as a tip
Is it bad that I've been making new friends through your vagina networking? I don't think so
Ryan friended me on LinkedIn and it took everything in my power not to endorse him for sexual dysfunction as a skill.
Going overboard is basically 75% of my personality
I'm a gorgeous hot mess
idk what to be more embarrassed/confused about, that i lost my underwear or that i woke up covered in fried rice
Randomize
