do you remember putting condoms over both your hands and asking me if your fists would be too big.
so, not only did she give him head while i was asleep next to them, apparently, it was bad head...
Are you serious?
yeah... as often as she does that, you'd think she'd be good at it...
So you actually don't remember giving head to the Neil Armstrong statue last night?
Family bonfire. I just discovered my cousin drank an entire bottle of champagne at the age of 7. I just got showed up.
while i was sleeping he changed my screen saver to his dick with a heart frame around it. I just might be falling in love.
I need to stop drinking and eating and start working out. I look like the lovechild of John Goodman and Jabba the Hutt.
You fucked everything up-can't pass a cleared kitchen table without getting hard
I don't know if it has occurred to you yet, but you are dating a nymphomaniac, and your work schedule is an interference of my needs being fulfilled. Get home now.
Apparently he proposed after he saw me chug vodka out of a traffic cone.
So. I need to gloat. I couldn't exactly tell my family that I won this game by deep throating.
You realize we were screaming in the car about our apartment next year because we can "bring home randoms whenever we want" and "stare at each other from our door ways"
Peanut butter fills the cracks of my heart
The only reason I know his name is because we wrote marriage vows in orange crayon on the back of a Walmart receipt.
But no. So do not give him one damn penny. Unless they are in a sock and you are hitting him with it.
I woke up with an empty beer bottle in my slipper and a note that said "it just wants to be warm"
Randomize