i just noticed 4 flies in my red wine. i drank them.
so just incase I die tonight I'm making a list of people that I don't want to be let in to my funeral
she told me she sucks everyone's dick but mine because mine is too big and "hard to suck" i need to reevaluate the girls i fall in love with.
I've never heard a "this is the reason why i dont suck your cock" explanation go in that direction
You brought out the iron board layed it on the ground in the middle of everyone and passed out for the night
My mouth holds just enough water for my bong
Drunk me Does not appreciate a drunk, naked you kicking me off the couch at 3am. You have a bed here, you dick
I mean thanks for the bj but i wanna forget everything that happened last night between 11 and 5
I got so stoned last night I thought I was in second grade again
Trust me.. Might look gay.. Might feel gay... But I could snap your neck with my inside thighs bro
You started pulling out condoms from your fanny pack and threw them at all the couples on the beach
I took a pregnancy test at Pancheros a bit ago.
You have to give it to him that he fucked me out of the dull weekdays.
The stripper started talking about murdering people....that lapdance turned dark.....
Drunk sex on a hardwood floor is never ever a good idea. Lesson learned.
LACE UP YOUR GODDAMN SHOES
N O
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