So he says "lean over this" which is a chain across the doorway, held into the wall with bolts. I do. Then he puts his weight on top of me to try and get it in.
It breaks. We fall.
I now have a broken nose, a concussion, and an infected, split lip. Why do I have the worst luck in guys?
You can't like Harry Potter and Twilight. You have to pick. Vampires and Wizards are mutually exclusive.
i am devastated. she was DTF and I was about to puke, i told her to wait outside my room for a second. Puked. Passed out woke up, she was gone. Found puke stains on my keyboard that seem to spell out youporn....
How do you tell someone they are only invited if they put out?
my co-worker, his best friend who also works with us, an my baby daddy, ive turned love triangle into a retarded shape with to many sides to pronounce
I woke up to him peeling the skin on my stomach from my sunburn. If he wasn't so good in bed I'd be a little freaked out.
I got arrested for "public intoxication". Fuckers threw me out of the bar into public... i mean shit they have thirsty Thursdays. And I get thrown out for self serve Sundays plus a citation.
and then you looked me right in the eyes and said "i just really wanna pet some horses right now"
PA to anyone at the party last night and wondering where your pants are: they are in my backyard.
Young lesbians are the worst. And also what got me through high school, sooooo
Then years and years after that I will send you a picture of my warped vagina from all the kids that I had.
We helped him hit the bowl to the point that he didn't even have to move
so hungover i had to get off the train to puke, rallied and went to work. not sure if that's an adulting win or fail
I was so high I forgot how to swallow food, and I just kept thinking "thank god its just mashed potatoes, they'll go down eventually"
I don't wanna be 33 that's when Jesus died
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