I dont kno what was worse. Waking up 2 a guy next to me thinking I got blackout or realizing it was your boyfriend.
I texted him about a book we both like. I was expecting a "ya great book... let's bone" response. It didn't work
Please stop sending me picture messages of your shit. Seriously. I don't care if it looks like popcorn chicken.
so looking at the guys i've dated i feel my vag is a halfway house
Just saw my bank statement. It literally goes liquor store pizza place liquor store pizza place bar bar bar liquor store pizza place 711 for snacks withdrawl for drugs rinse and repeat
Oh and my new excuse for not being able to hook up is cholera, feel free to use it
We shouldn't eat pizza in the pool
We r drinking tequila out a glass bottle and smoking weed underwater, pizzas the least of our concern
I feel like the devil is trying to impregnate me through my eyeballs.
I could run a drunk marathon in heels
I respect your roll as DD and there're am required to respect your vehicle
Will you trust fall hold me, so I can pee of this building.
Hey Cat, it's Michael. You made out with me for a hot dog last night and I feel super used.
I woke up to a huge bag of McDonalds breakfast, a cup of coffe and Advil. The note read "yeah its a one night thing, but I felt bad so here you go. Thanks"
He just set a new unobtainable standard in one night stand etiquette.
Not only did I sleep with the guy but I think I may have called my work and quit to go work for him.
I CAN’T BELIEVE YOU STUCK YOUR DICK IN CRAZY!
Randomize
