does drinking everclear count as brushing your teeth? because i think they are sterilized
My mom called me and we started arguing as usual. I finally screamed at her "I HEAR YOU AND THAT 30 YEAR OLD FUCKING!" and hung up. She hasn't called back yet. I win.
The twins are whispering in turkish together. I think I did something bad last night.
It is scary how often "just flash him" is your advice.
The bosnian sent me a sext with his dick next to a comcast remote. It went up to the "stop" button. Ironic and appropriate. Grab your remote and imagine it.
You've ruined television for me.
I just put bacon on a thin mint and enjoyed the shit out of it. I better not be fucking pregnant.
She followed me back, then proceeded to find my room, get her panda suit on? And then raid my room and pass out on my couch... what the fack do I do now?!?!
Dude. Stop sending me lines from Hungry Like the Wolf
Look at the picture I MADE him take with me...like why??? He's holding my foot?
Fuck off I wasn't that drunk. I was still able to toss froot loops in the air and catch them in my mouth.
And in your bra. It was quite entertaining.
He has no idea he's waking up in slut palace tomorrow morning
I hope dressing like a sexy, but very grown up and intelligent, secretary while out shopping helps disguise how high I am right now.
I’m not closing myself off the to the possibility of making a bad life choice.
Nothin ruins a fine afternoon like shitting ur pants
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like running into your ex boyfriend at the liquor store at 3 in the afternoon.
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