I cant believe we actually had a nipple party!
He just left me a message saying he left the rest of the weed for me. Did i just get paid for sex? And if yes did i just get paid in drugs?
frankly if you're gonna get kicked out of your place, hooking up with your gay roommate's boyfriend would be the most entertaining way to do it.
I don't care how hot he got, I can't get past the PTSD flashbacks of the first time he fingered me
omg dinner turned into a foam party this is weiriiid
in my defence, i did try to get you to put your shirt back on, then you screamed at me to stop telling you what to do
All three women i have fucked in the past week are here in the same bar. Gameface, go.
Gonna go for any of them?
Thursday night girl, but friday is watching and tuesday is serving us.
If your relationships aren't working out because she doesn't have a penis THEN maybe you should give dudes another go
After so many times of carrying your puked covered clothes home in a bag on a Tuesday morning, you begin to realize that Fucked Up Mondays aren't a real thing.
You were buying shots for everyone, saying, "I got a tax refund. I'm a MILLIONAIRE."
So who was trying to make it rain last night in the bathroom? There are pieces of dollar bill everywhere
You fell out of the chair and then lifted your foot saying, "If my foot could give you the middle finger it would."
I told him I'd ride his broomstick if he let me call him Harry Potter and drew a lightning bolt on his forehead.
When I come home and take my bra off and I'm served with a perfect grilled cheese along with a glass of wine. Priceless.
Tripping over coffee tables hurts shins but face is okay bc I landed on a sofa.
Randomize
