Can you get arrested or in trouble for punching a dead relative in a casket?
she said she was living bicuriously through me.
He sent a pic, I sent one back. Then nothing. It's like we sext-messaged goodbye and ended the relationship.
I found her sleepin on the side of the house in the rocks. so i woke her up and yelled at her and she would only come inside if i let her sleep in the bathroom.
Just disregard the tooth in the plastic bag in the fridge.
Were you paying girls to come up and grab my cock and tell me I look like bradley Cooper?
I'm one ex away from doing an entire victory lap of all of the guys I've hooked up with since second semester of freshman year. Single me is scary.
I'm covered in European cum. How's your day going?
I dreamt of sea otters and your boobs. My two favorite things.
Well, I guess that's how life goes for my dad. One minute you're walking with your cooler on the afterglow of a Lynyrd Skynyrd concert, the next you find your grown son choking out a drunk redneck against your pickup truck.
Remember when I made out with that stranger at the bar on my 21 in chicago? I wonder how he's doing
Long fucking story. But hey I got an orgasm and breakfast so I'm winning.
He just stopped me mid blow job so he could text his wife asking for TacoBell.
It's only 9 and these two girls are already walking around Walmart barefoot and holding their heels. WE NEED TO STEP IT UP.
I just ordered a five person drink for myself.... Right about now you should start saving me from myself....
Randomize
