Dude, you need to talk to your mom
wtf?
She just called and asked if i would be part of the intervention she's planning for you
roommate just walked in on us. two and a half times. the half, she just knocked, sighed, and walked away.
I thought it was weird that her dad told me to finish and get out after he walked in on us. I like him
this wart on my finger ripped off while i was fingering this girl the other night. she thought she had gotten her period and started crying so i went with. its better for both of us that way
yeah seriously, fuck school. I'm changing my master's thesis question from "what are the neuropsychological correlates of antisocial personality" to "will my cat drink this beer"
did you know delaware is a STATE? HOLY CRAP! i didn't till i was hitting on this chick and asked her when she said she was from delaware, which state that was in. crazyness
walking on campus just saw the exact moment some kids life got ruined
he's on the phone and just starts going "FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCCCCCCCCKKKKK", then follows it with "Are you sure your pregnant?"... made my day
Tell nick i'm sorry for throwing a block of cheese at him last night
There is an empty space on my boobs where glow paint should be.
Managed to get through family dinner without anyone knowing I was tripping balls. Christmas miracle. He exists.
Thank you for calling me on to a higher level of debauchery. fuck anyone who says we aren't good for each other
22 is way too old to still be having "thank god I think I'm getting my period" days
What if for Halloween I paint my self gold and make sandwiches for everyone? I'd be a trophy wife! Get it?
Bitch got stabbed in the eye. With a fork. Wait for it... At church. I was the only one at a party interested in her story. Only in the south
It went from a "chill game of beer pong" to "absinthe body shots and a tits parade" in literally two minutes.
Told you inviting her was a good idea.
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