I CAN MOONWALK!
Bar closing I am hiding in the bathroom. do you think anyone will find me?
I hope you have a really shitty weekend. I love you.
Kelly Kapowski is pregnant and it's not Zach Morris'. I no longer believe in true love.
i just called corporate taco bell to ask about the life span of a chicken burrito.
I've got 15 minutes to eat dinner and drink a 40. Four years of college has all been training for this moment.
I just put bacon on a thin mint and enjoyed the shit out of it. I better not be fucking pregnant.
After Madison dropped a bottle of full vodka an it shattered on the floor, it was quiet for literally 3 min straight and then drew said "the booze gods have spoken"
Hey do you eat chocolate chip pancakes with bacon in?
DO NOT MAIL ME A PANCAKE
He's so twisted that he's acting out Dragon Ball-Z by himself. The Tanquray and THC combo doesn't play around.
I'm about to order this penis-casting kit so text me within 5 mins if you're not down
i just had diarrhea that people from the 1930's would have died from
I said "one day" and that day is not today
When he was leaving this morning he said I'll text you later on and I replied with if you don't that's cool too.
You're incredible, and I'm drunk
Randomize
