I haven't been laid since Bush was president.
I feel like our house is getting pulled over.
can we get nightvision for the apartment?
Dude.. I don’t care how hairy she is, you already left me at the bar, and now I have to find another fucking way home... NOW BE A MAN ABOUT IT!
So J keeps drinking his last bit of drink, then spitting it out and drinks it again. Savor the flavor?
I need ur penis! This is not drunk texting, either! This is I need ur penis texting. There IS a difference!
Guy passed out in the lobby with a keychain sharpie hanging from his belt loop. 1 guest came in and wrote on him, then others saw and got in line. I'm not waking him up.
When they saw it was the 7th inning of the baseball game one took off running for the beer stand while his friend is yelling "BUY THE KEG"!
I CAME AT YOU WITH RAW FEELING
you grabbed my dick through my pants and hissed at me.
Hey could you buy me 2 bottles of arbor mist? I'm trying to get laid tonight
$150 and 3 orgasms. Dogsitting is awesome.
Her neighbors? They're nice. Young family. Tried not to get puke on their side of the lawn.
Yes but I said "let's get a dog" not a drunk human so some rules will be established this evening
He corrected my spelling during sexting.
When you realized the door was unlocked, you did the mission impossible yheme song and snuck into the bathroom. And continued it while you peed.
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