my number is 615-555-1212, <3 your favorite asshole
cab driver gave us mini bottles of jd for the ride home & proceeded to run every red light. wonder how many bottles he drank.
my hangover today makes thursday's feel like a bubble bath.
We need to start having sex underwater more often.
her bf's celebrating 10 yrs of service at kfc...it's safe to say all the good men are taken
do you think the bartender judged us for asking for shots of well vodka and water chasers?
hey, sorry about all the butter. I thought it was gonna help.
she asked to have her picture taken with every guy we walked by.
Didn't I tell you I have developed a shameless theory about farting anywhere and everywhere? I'm too pretty so no one suspects me.
let's be real here, you have a beautiful vagina. this kid is a doctors son. that's a remedy for beautiful rich grandkids. he is just trying water his family tree, and make sure he doesn't end up in some piece of shit adult home. go for it.
You woke up, laughed, proceeded to throw up on me and then passed out again.
At our floor meeting the RA was talking about bathroom hygiene and I really wanted to be like "what about shower sex."
Valid question
I don't care what you say, the fact that he's a drag queen with the same shoe size as me is reason enough to date him
Why is no one on Snapchat tonight? I want to see other people having fun so I know it still exists.
She ripped her shorts off and yelled "VAGINA TIME!"
Randomize
