I have to decide between the hot young blond with no apparent gag reflex, and the brunette with a great ass and a trust fund.
i wanna anger bang this girl behind me at work. she never shuts up with her annoying voice. but her boobs are phenom.
Dude you can't just initiate a threesome via twitter
I'm looking at pot farms on google earth. Google should be proud I found a real purpose for it to serve.
We got a Christmas tree, decorated it to surprise his wife And kids who were out of town for her father's funeral, then fucked like rabbits on their new mattress before he had to pick them up at the airport.
I'm puking to John Mayor, save me. Or at least change it to somethong beyyt
Oh, and that ugly chick transformed into a veritable goddess when she came back at 3AM with a handle of vodka and 100 chicken wings
Can't promise anything, there's vodka in my thermos
trust me. coming from a bonafide dirtbag, this dude is up to shady shit
If you find my purse on your yacht please call me - girl you slept with after yacht party
Just got arrested in my crocs and rolled up pants with a mr rogers sweater for literally fucking nothing can u come get me?
He threw up on my head while I was blowing him, and then I started barfing, and the kitchen floor was a mess. Believe me, he will never, ever live this down.
I didn't have time to wash my hair yesterday. Ended up spraying some Febreeze on it.
That car ride home was pretty awkward. Your feeling up the girlfriend to the guy who's throwing up out the window. Thanks for that.
I skipped the handshake and went right for a dickshake I had him minutes after I saw him.
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