i wish my penis had a tongue
this weekend will be like the season finale to my life
I haven't even gone in yet. I'm sitting in the waiting room playing a game i like to call "Who else is here for AA".
I would give up sex for lent, but I think Jesus would understand that I went too long without it to go back now.
Just calculated that for my last final tomorrow I need 120% to improve my grade and 53% to keep it..buying 30 packs now, go get dressed
I just test ran being their maid. I'm getting 50 bucks a month and they're buying the costume.
Whenever you feel bad about your life, just remember the time I tried to swim while high and thought for a minute I was genuinely drowning
It's amazing how not interested in talking to him I am since I've decided that he probably has chlamydia.
My chin is breaking out a bit and feels all itchy and burny like I'm allergic to something. Are you using a new lotion on your balls?
omg i wish you could see the front of my car.
There's literally a dust print of your body and your arm trying to hold on and the other one where your fingers visibly dragged down the hood.
You know how I said I'd never worry about my roommate? Well I just walked in on her masturbating to Star Trek.
Did she boldly cum where no one has cum before?
Well, the night started out with you ALMOST falling out of a tree. Then we went back to the tree after about 9 shots and you DID fall out of the tree.
Do not tell me I cant do drunk math ever again, AND I made a creative way of telling him I want him to fuck me.
chipped my right front tooth on a toilette. i figure if i keep drinking i won't care for at least 2 days
Bowls and Harry Potter this morning. I guess work isn't so bad after all
Randomize
