Guess what? I had way too much to drink today. I'm properly wasted. Doing chores and playing video games while drunk. It's the nexus of stupidity and responsibility.
you probably should not have drank the wine that everyone spits out. and the sad part, that was not even your low point last night
The bong broke. we're having a little funeral followed by an inaugeration service for the new one
i hooked up with a boy reading dear john, i have to get points for that somewhere
no he gets major points for having a girl hookup with him after reading dear john
I just watched a video of Justin Bieber kissing a girl..... the sad thing is that I actually got upset.
Fuck it dude, we gotta bounce before she starts talking about her steve irwin conspiracy
I think "I actually like giving blow jobs better" qualifies her as a keeper
Hey do you think you can sew an adult onsie with easy access if you know what I mean!!?? It must have bunny feet.
Do you know how I hurt my ankle or my shoulder? Or the origin of any of the following mystery bruises: left quad, left wrist, right elbow. Thanks for playing.
on my way to nyc to take a survey about my sexual activity. if you dont hear from me for a few days, assume they had me committed...
I told him I was on the pill and it was OK to fire away. I want to never have to wear panty house or ever go to an office again. This is my early retirement plan. I want half of his NBA money.
I think my ph in my vagina is actually off from the lack of sex I've had this break compared to finals week.
Well I either feel like the fat girl or very accomplished because his bed is now broken in three places
Now you can NEVER tell anyone that on thanksgiving I took a selfie of my pussy to prove they don't get worse with babies.
Hey. You dropped and smashed your road beer in my store last night. Again. And this time you didn't even order anything. You just walked in, yelled "SWEDISH STYLE!" Then lost your beer, looked depressed, and left.
Randomize
