I just had sex in the back of an ambulance. Call me.
We had to be out of the dorms at 730. Meeting started at 8. I woke up at 948. Drunk and covered in glitter.
if we break up, blackout me is coming back, making out with everything in sight
I turn the corner to find her walking in the front door in a tee-shirt, two different shoes and no pants. All she said to me was "I'm sad"
did you really just refer to me me as an old fashioned penis?
I want a burrito.
Truly, you are the voice of a generation.
the girl peeing in the stall next to mine has really cute shoes. on a scale of 1 to restraining order, how weird would it be to compliment them from in here?
She judged ME for picking my nose when SHE has the clap.
I may have played more drinking games with my family this last week than all of freshman year...
Dude Carly, it's like, inconvinent how often you cause me to have an erection
Also I think I drunkenly signed up to be an uber driver or something because they keep emailing me to fill out a background check
Hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking you had a pulse
Drunk and bowling. Only good things can come of this
her idea of a romantic time is a bottle of jager, some Guacamole and chips.
can't go wrong with guac.
The waxing lady fingered me during my brazilian. 40 dollars well spent
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