I'm quitting my job and I'm just going to become a professional drunk girls mistake.
Dude... Hand job in the lake... It was as weird as it sounds.
Please talk me out of ordering the stripper pole for a dollar. Please.
there are ass prints on the hood of my car.
If you were a real friend you would have told me you saw me in a porno despite how awkward of a convo it is. You act like I should always know when I'm being recorded.
I could have made money off of that but no you had to wait 2 years to drunkenly tell me this shit.
Just discovered i ordered the nhl center ice package back in september, the operator said there was a note next to the time I called, indicating I may have been intoxicated while calling (no clue why but it was noted)...meaning I was drunk...meaning ill never miss another sabres game...i love me and am beaming with self pride
should i save it for someone special or be a feminist and be like "my vagina doesnt define me"
I was apparently the best non-Irish person at the party. I wore my skating dress, Austrian flag and a giant shamrock. Everyone is calling me "30 Shots Girl".
Played never have I ever with high schoolers today. Needless to say they brought up threesomes so I had to make a judgement call and decided to not put my finger down
Just heard him in the middle stall. Sounded like someone emptied a toolbox into the toilet.
He was super adorable, like I wanna pinch his cheeks while I fuck him...
He sends me the same inspirational quote quotos that my grandma does. I no longer want to tap that.
We need to catch up immediately. I took ecstasy and made out with carrot face this weekend.
I found condoms in the back yard from you and your boyfriend. My house isnt a motel
Just woke up to the cat unconscious on my stomach, his face between my tits, purring to bring down the walls. I'm endeared and horrified at the same time.
Randomize