Your face is a jimmy john
Midget sex pt 2 tonight
True story: Just left my solo cup on a cop car. Yesss
That's two mile stones in one shot. A ginger and that's my third ashley.
Hey remember that thing i said about never apologizing for being a hot mess? Well that was before you found me drunk in the hallway with no pants.
i woke up to banging and pieces of ceiling falling on my face
Stop thinking your God dude. You passed out. God doesn't pass out...
She asked if I wanted to "Mormon Motorboat" her, which I guess is just motor-boating her through her cloths. Turns out I did.
theres too many punctuation errors in that text to turn me on.
My mom just drunk texted me complaining about her genitals smelling like Taco Bell. I really am her son
I don't trust his life but I trust his penis.
Who says no to sex and donuts?!
I called you daddy and let you stick things in my butt, I am a damn 11.
RAAAAAAAAWWWWRRRRRR
THATS ME HOWLING MY ENJOYMENT OF THE THINGS WE CAN DO WHILE GETTING DRUNK
Some guy I'd never met and didn't invite threw the punch bowl at the wall and set the plastic skeleton on fire. I don't think we'll be getting the full deposit back
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