my mom just found my bong and asked what it was. I told her it was a hookah
and she bought it?!?
yeah...but her friends at work told her hookah was fun and now she wants to smoke it with me...im thinkin yes
You gave him head? He fingered you? A little bit of make out?
WHAT THE FUCK ITS LIKE YOU WERE THERE
Oh please, I could turn a Vienna Boys Choir concert into a shit show
Have you ever been so weak from sleep you couldn't push your poo out?
i just turned the eviction notice into a beer pong list
you went through ur friends list and posted an obscene comment on every ultrasound pic...."not his" "looks like a sea monkey"
We're going to play a drinking game. It's called "Senior Year of College."
I banged her roommate when she was gone. She came back with a chicken sandwich and a bj. Then she said " smells like my roommates vagina" I think I can get a threesome tonight
No, I don't think your idea of offering shots in exchange for bonus points to your history professor at B-Dubs was a good idea. Especially after you later told him that you would "tap that" in regards to his wife.
She just laid there, sucking on a piece of steak, with the most content look on her face. Just before she passed out (steak still on her mouth) she said the cat box needed to be emptied
Someone I just met told me they were going to name their kid after me. Daylight savings is weird.
So, my love of dick may have landed me in a cult. On the bright side, I now have a discount at Spencer's.
But what we lack in money, we make up for in dry humor and drugs
I have a vagina. So i automatically win.
people keep driving by and judging me for drinking natty outside in my underwear at 9 am. rude.
Randomize
