never thought i'd see a ''climb of shame'' until she came down from the attic in front of the whole party..
Once I saw his penis, I knew I made the right choice
Sorry for feeding you peanuts last night while you were sleeping, you looked hungry.
He's a waiter, looks 15, and told me he loved me after only talking to me for 30 minutes. I told him I wanted a margarita. We got 3 free pitchers. I may have to make this our regular Wednesday night hangout.
I'm over this relationship. I'm just going to get drunk all day, wake up in a puddle of my own vomit again, and go on with my life
Your cat is quite the conversationalist after some tequila and shrooms
My liver just had a heart attack.
Court can wait. right now you and your magic penis need to be here satisfying me.
Breakfast Clubbing as Juggalos. I can feel our IQs in freefall.
Geez don't go to a bar for a few days and everyone freaks out.
This chick just walked by and pet my beard. Don't know, never talked to her. She just walked by and pet my beard.
Marry her
your girlfriend showed us your homemade porn last night.
I just swallowed confetti and motor-boated some guys beard...#happy2015
I skipped the handshake and went right for a dickshake I had him minutes after I saw him.
I only live four blocks from the bar but when you're hammered this walk feels like the journey through Mordor.
Randomize
