Bristol Palin says: Remember to use protection
this girl and her friend just showed up at my house. standing together, theylook exactly like the number 10. this has cockblock written alllllll over it.
i stapled my math hw together with an ear ring, too ghetto?
It's official, I've know hooked up with everyone I carpooled with in middle school
Just because you put plan b in my Easter basket doesn't give you an excuse not to wear a condom.
I have their Unicorn picture in my shirt, and I just threw a Bud Light Platinum bottle through their window. We need to go now.
You took it upon yourself to rid the world of them, and by that I mean you dressed up as Batman and started kicking them in the shins.
I'm going on a new diet. It's called the "eat healthy otherwise boys won't want to have sex with your fat ass" diet. Wish me luck.
I got a blowjob dressed with a t shirt sweatpants and a Fanny pack. Not kidding.
Some old chick is rubbing my thigh and saying she needs some Memorial Day dick. Her teeth are kind of gross but I'm going for it.
Dislocated my knee during sex, popped it back in and kept going. Then got simpathy chipotle out of it too.
We'll never be able to grow apart now. You can't look at a stranger & say "Yea I ate goldfish crackers off his dick." & just be casual about that.
I'm gonna play eenie meenie at the bar tonight because it's women's day and I deserve the dick
I may be a complete scumbag but even im not willing to spend a grand and sit on a plane for 24 hours just for shrooms and a blowjob
You microwaved all of my silverware, I don't care if you spent all your money on tequila, you're paying for this.
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