You came into my room at 3am.. drunk.. and asked to do spanish homework together. Props for being a good student.
you threw up out the window, wiped your face with a twenty dollar bill, and threw that out the window too.
did we at least go back and get it?
how else do you think we got jack in the box...?
just drew up plans to mow my front lawn into the American flag for world cup. that high and patriotic.
Every once in a while you'd chuckle to yourself, and when I asked you what's so funny u replied "sometimes my toes tickle eachother"
this girl is like a spa retreat for my dick
Things i learned at work today: do not put mayonaise on a tattoo, it will get infected.
Only you two could pull off a partner swap with honeymooners
I can't get over how you look like his sister and he wants to fuck you.
They had to stop us from skinny dipping in the reflection pool of the Mormon temple.
Evvvvvveryone knows we hooked up in the DJ booth. People call it the BJ booth now. I've created a legacy
I didn't think I was even that high but when we were standing in the cop car's headlights I totally forgot how to use my arms
I repeat do not go to a jail visit drunk, those stools are easy to fall off.
Today's goals: get day drunk then sober up in time for the walking dead tonight.
Threw up on break at work. That brings our collective tally to 9 times. We can never drink like that on a monday again
Jack and I got in a huge fight at 6am. He fell asleep when I was giving him head so I freaked. We were both black out so I made a memo in my phone reminding me
Randomize
