do you remember what downloading porn with a 14k modem was like?
we got back to my place and he started talking about feelings. i politely told him to leave and that he managed to cock block himself.
I don't know how God could bestow someone that emotionally confused with such an awesome penis.
He's blaming gravity for his problems right now, so put that in perspective
Yeah. I realized I have a weakness for drugs and I need to move somewhere where I don't know how to find them.
Nothing is more awkward than taking a dump while someone is crying in the bathroom.
bad night - i tried for naughty librarian but could only manage to pull off pissed off barrista.
You tried to sit down... There was a distinct lack of couch.
Oh you have the munchies, Dad? That's great and congratulations on the weed but STOP EATING MY APPLE PIE
I can always see lesbian subplot. It's my hero ability.
You're the reason why I want to be a better drunk
He said "you speak American pretty good for a Canadian" and it took everything in me to still fuck him. Dry spell ended btw
What type of bandaid should I use on my clit
IM ON THE WEIRD DRUGS AND I JUST SAW THAT TOM HARDY THING NOW I WANT TO HUMP
Do you know anything about how the saran wrap ended up on my toilet seat?
Randomize
