Partly cloudy chance of praying to the porcelin gods
I don't do stupid things anymore. I do stupid people.
This dress was meant to end up on your floor
i think the fact that he graduated high school the year i graduated elementary school is sexy.
Todays lesson: Chew your food better when your drunk. I almost choked throwing up this morning.
so he stopped for a second, looked up at me and said in a really creepy voice, "I can has cheeseburger?" and then went back to eating me out.
They're pole dancing on a handicap sign post.
The strippers from this weekend suck at words with friends
You were fucked up like a footballbat trying to eat gum off your shoe. And that wasn't even the nights lowest point.
Thats like me asking what you think of antisocial polish guys with mysterious rashes
I can't believe you didn't come out. There was a duckling ON THE BAR!
I was just randomly reminded of the night you were wrapped up in a bed sheet carrying a full bottle of cookie dough vodka and warning neighbors of the weirdos running around
You may be fancy. But you'll never be having cheesy garlic bread and scotch at 3am fancy.
IT'S LIKE LOOKING INTO GOD'S VAGINA!!!!
Wanna guess where my charger was last night.....in my cooler with my beer. I put it in there because I knew I would never forget my beer.
Randomize