Yea I just took my 1st pregnancy test. Turns out I am just fat. Also I haven't been with anyone in 3 months, which is clearly making me crazy.
he was lying next to me and i saw him text "score" to someone.
the extent of background information i have on her is minimal, but it will get me in her pants
i just uploaded pictures of my nephew, and you & d puking in the same toilet. i think i should keep them in the same album. show my nephew what he has to look forward to.
my financial goal is to have my cable back before football season starts
I woke up naked in my bathtub at 5:30 this morning. There's legit a spray tan body print of me in the fetal position in my tub.
My dad got me a charm braclet....his way of trying to support my gayness....
I think I am calling out of work due to a hangover. I'm 96% sure there ISN'T tampon stuck inside me.
I actually want to work out for some reason... I think it's my brains way of telling me it doesn't like living in a fat body.
holy shit the woman im hooking up with is closer to my moms age than my own
I'm talking to this guy I met online about French toast. I am the oddest fucking combination of hungry and horny. Wtf brain.
He put his number in my phone as Steve handsome
She texted me this morning asking why all of her house pillows were inside her mini-van.
So thats where i built my buckingham palace
I'm trying to cause a divorce, your hooking up with a felon, I think we need Jesus.
I wish drug dealers had sales for the holidays
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