I almost took home a boy from the bar last night, till i realized he was not speaking drunk, he was from another country and didnt know english. that could have been an awkward morning.
dollar beers will do that to you.
Her cooch smelled like a combination of bacon and sweat.
last night some bitch put bruce along with his entire fishbowl in her purse and tried to leave. how drunk do you have to be to steal someone's pet??
so he must've not known that your lastname is Came because everytime someone would say your name he would scream "NO SHE DIDNT" to the whole party. He must've not been too good then either.
My niece just threw up all over me. My sister's breastmilk was on my face. This is like a fucked-up porno gone terribly wrong.
Well, I'm eating cake, watching wedding videos of people I don't know, and crying. Clearly I'm a vision of mental health today
Apparently I was pointing at birds and yelling "YOU USED TO BE A DINOSAUR!!!"
well as your friend its only fair to offer my cock for your services. Cause I care.
She just told me she had a double jointed jaw and winked at me while eating her bananna. That's not possible right?
Also was told that I was her "third favourite booty call" - I'm taking this a good thing right?
It's a podium place so yeah...
Last night I dressed up as a cowgirl and walked into McDonald's. I bought 20 mcribs. There's pictures
Your "dubstep at ceilis" resulted in a random naked guy busting into my room and peeing all over my bathroom
All I remember is laying in that secret hideaway closet, naked, with a beer cowboy hat on and you walking in and sitting down crying because no one would have sex with you
it was good, but also weird. like, i came four times and then cried weird.
Our Tuesday night drunk Irish step dancing was on point tonight.
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