the best part about watching a meteor shower at 4 am is being able to masturbate in public and drink hot chocolate at the same time.
he must have thought the song was "ejacuate on the dance floor"
I just peed next to my dog in the yard. Unparalleled forms of bonding going on over here.
I have three paper towels stuck up my vagina. This is not a time to be calm.
This is actually a pretty big deal for him. I mean, he contacted a stranger out of concern for someone else instead of for sex.
That does show growth.
That commercial was clearly aspirational. I think Arbor Mist would pair nicely with Oscar Meyer
I drunkenly transformed into shehulk last night and lifted every single guy off the ground bc one guy told me that there was no way I was strong enough. Don't worry, I proved them wrong. Stupid stereotypical men.
So I'm texting her. How do I steer the conversation toward "I honestly would be fine never seeing you again"?
I just came so hard my vision went blurry. I can only hope one day I'll find a man that can accomplish what my left hand does on a tri-daily basis.
He'll only communicate through snapchat with pictures of him holding his cat or his dick. Bit of Russian roulette opening them in public but I did it anyway.
She's high and screaming MEREDITH IS A WHORE
Hi, I put a dog in your house, I hope it's yours.
I'm over here trying to figure out how to get shake shack delivered to my bed and Jamie is having a child
Validation I posted a good pic? The lonely fuckboys send out the booty call signal. Of course I answered the call; Gotham needs its hero.
I peed in front of kids, unfortunately
Randomize
