I'll buy you a vibrator, we can get married for tax benefits, and live happily ever after with lots of doggggs.
That poor kid, I literally invited myself over and took advantage of him.
yea I'm sure he was really upset some drunk girl showed up to fuck him.
Do you have to put it that way?
she asked me if i can do her a favor, came over, and gave me head then left. i still dont understand how that was a favor for her.
A whole bunch of large men eating Doritos just knocked on my door and asked if they could take out my trash?
She face-timed me on the toilet. My dick is never going to recover from that.
Sorry, all I could picture was you jamming your dick into a lemon.
my head feels like a yellow yolk spinning in a circle at the bottom of the bowl.. i may have a concussion, love auto correct
Is it weird that I'm looking up pubic hairstyles?
How much weight does it take to launch a cat using a trebuchet vs the tension required for a catapult?
And, omg, my eyelids are on fire. I think the internet let me down. :(
drinks after work?
that question mark offends me.
I also tried to hide a bottle of vodka in a build a bear last night so that something that happened in my life
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
Even in drag you're still better looking than your sister.
april was a good month for me, sexually...doubled my number, had a threesome, fucked a girl for the first time and two different boys in one night. there should be a medal
Randomize