mark looks like s**t tonight! thank da lawd we broke up!
it's mark...i'm guessing you didn't mean to send that to me...
were with a gay guy with a minnesota accent. think about how funny that sounds.
I think you came in my ear last night and I had to pick it out infront of my kids in class today
Friends are holding an intervention and have no idea this gatorade is half vodka. This is gonna be the best intervention ever.
Do you realize that we tried to rent a limo at 5am to come and take us to waffle house?
I have been standing totally still for the past 6 minutes because I was convinced my foot was tied to the ground. It turns out it was a string of hair strewn across my foot
I wish there was a "friends who have gained the most weight since high school" filter on facebook for when I am feeling fat.
consequently i now know what mace tastes like
We found her naked passed out on the bathroom floor. She didn't even make it to the shower. She was clutching the bathroom rug.
Omg 230 lb butch lesbian with a mustache grabbed my dick. I need an adult
Well girls crying gets you hard so you're not really a good standard to me
When we were fucking he said and I quote "we're like a sex fajita"
my brain is opting to stay half drunk rather than relearn how to think. the rest of me is in no position to argue.
It's your birthday, you should get to jizz where you want to. Jizz when you want tooo
While he was fucking me, he just stopped and said, "Mike says Hi." Then proceeded to fuck me.
What did you do?
What do you say to that!? But, when I came, I screamed out my full name.
Randomize
