His vagina is bleeding blood all over the court
I just cut my nipple shaving
I think I know how big ted kennedy's penis is.
Wine smoothie.... Not as good as I thought it would be
I'm drinking Dom Perignon from the bottle with a straw just to piss of some french dude.
I think the duck is in my room. You have no idea how much worse a duck makes a hangover
I woke up this morning to my house being turned into a bad European dance club at 8:30am. Do you know what "UNS UNS UNS" sounds like at 8:30am? Murder. It sounds like murder.
He'd pee in it. And since it's PBR I'd have no idea
Told her my spirit animal was the spread eagle. Now that's my name in her phone.
My roomate has me out looking for easter kegs hidden arround town
Well he was saying something about being emotionally unavailable since his dad died, but then I blew him in a tree and he shut up
I really don't want to get drunk alone tonight. Like, I'll do it, but I won't enjoy it.
Have a booty call at 3am, stopped for tacos at 2:30. It's 2:55 and I still haven't ordered but can't jump the curb to get out of line because there is a cop in front of me. What am I doing with my life?
Just got hit on by a 28-year old, quadraplegic, triple-cancer-survivor redneck. Now updating bucket list to meet newfound standards.
I only gave you one rule about using the beach house: don’t get cum on anything!
You’ve seen my tits! You had to know that rule was unrealistic! Does it help that he was really cute?
Randomize
