chick im bringing home just asked our cab driver if she could do a line off his turban. i think im in love - or trouble.
She described it as "a squirrel being hit by a hurricane"
youre talking to a girl on facebook chat right now and im sitting behind her in class lol. creepy?
votings over. no more wacking it to anti christine o'donnell ads
My brother just woke up to see me on te couch dipping hamburger buns into pizza sauce. I'm beginning to question the life choices that led to this moment.
You were so high you insisted on spoon feeding me your KFC bowl while I was driving.
Was who let the dogs out playing?
Ya. You started barking when it ended
Is this helping you get pumped up or am I going to have to send you more dick pics?
You know you were way drunk when you wake up at 7 AM halfway on a couch, tangled in a sheet with your shoes still on.
We're meant to be. Apparently God wants me to get dicked down pretty good too so I'm not complaining about destiny
I look excited, but its just a facade.
He fucked me for my Netflix login, I fucked him for his HBO login, and actually I think that's beautiful
WTF. I was 99% sure I went straight home last night. I just woke up hugging a chair, and my tux pocket has a flask filled with what I think is red bull and gatorade. This has to be your doing.
I did put on a shirt to start the night, right?
This year my vagina is giving thanks that several of my cubs are coming home for the holiday
dude im trying to eat his ass so can you stop for 10 minutes
Randomize
