She got kicked off the plane and spent the last four hours in a holding cell with the feds.
but she's really nice
3 of us had 22 margaritas. Hellllllo yellow cab. Goodbye morals.
They still haven't come up with a cure for a hangover; good luck cancer.
i just saw some one pass a baby through the drive-thru window at dairy queen.
What if we had a smart house and we could just say "baked" and it would rain donuts?
nothing like smoking out of your roommate's bong with your mom to celebrate the rising of christ
he is risen halelujah
If you wondered to yourself today, "did Sarah break her bathing suit strap and flash a pool full of children," the answer is yes.
YES. YOU ARE GOING TO HAVE SEX WITH ME WHILE I SING LES MIS.
Dude they're making a condom for people who have no feeling in their penises that will make them able to have an orgasm. I love science
Instead of a fine and a few hours in jail he chose to get tasered, break his neck and shit his pants
I kept having to give myself encouraging advice like, "you know how a path works"
You knocked on your freshman year room door, told the kids who opened it "I own you", and attempted to force-feed them everclear.
a girl walked up to me and asked if you were my brother. she shook her head and said 'im so sorry' when i said yes. what did you fucking do????????
Can I get high for this class every tuesday? Its like a multi-sensory carnival acid trip.
A real best friend would support the hoe in me. Not remind me of what happened the last time I slept with a boss
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