Food network will be on but we won't be watching
O by "watching" I mean "background noise"
Court Ordered Rehab!!! Do you think I'll need a swimsuit?
Hopefully the semester will be over before she has a breakout. Then I can just avoid the situation entirely
im stripping for him via video chat, but the sound is turned off cause his students are taking a test
I somehow fell asleep on my kitchen counter using the microwave as a pillow
dude im at a party with a bunch of 17 year old gilrs this is awesome
no its not leave
can you explain why there is a dead rabbit in my front seat?
idk, I had a turtle in mine.
Don't you ever say "drinking at 2" as if it's a bad thing again. I'm asking you as a friend here.
The story about him having a girlfriend changed real fast when he found out that I was a gymnast
Saying we were separated at birth, got on a ship and sailed here via onion barrel from Somalia didn't help our case at all....
I want to break his glasses with my pelvis.
There's a drag queen here that reminds me strongly of you. You should try crossdressing.
look, im sorry that i yelled at your little brother, threw my car keys at him and smashed a stale cookie with a pool cue, but i swear to god i didn't poop on the floor. it was one of your dogs.
I just want to eat chicken fingers and drink beer and smoke in bed with my laptop so I can watch Netflix
So your not doing THAT great with the break up then...
Lol I'm just saying its too early for your penis, I can accept it but at a more decent hour
Randomize
