I am going to be in the room whjen you have your first child and spit on its face before its even all the way out of you.
Stuck behind a lady in her 70's purchasing a plastic handle of vodka and nothing else. She is writing a check. Hello future.
My family just suggested tequila shots. I had Vietnam style flashbacks.
When i tried to give you something that wasn't tequila...like water....you kept saying it was against your religion.
I've always been the spiritual type.
we've been dating more than a month and i just realized there's no hair on his chest..
you've had sex with him. you must've seen him naked.
nah, i feel like naked sex would be getting too serious for us..
Apparently my gaydar only works on americans. Frenchie capris has two topless chicks in our kitchen making him breakfast.
I cartwheeled across every street... They tried to stop me but I bit anyone who came near me
Winning pick four numbers were just 6969... if I were 18 I could've won 20,000 dollars.
Of course I'll be there. I never miss an opportunity to smell like cigarettes, cheap beer, and shame.
i feel like i am made of mashed potatoes. i love cannabis pills so. fucking. much.
Nahh no judgin. Compliments to the balls are always heartfelt
He had a clap on lamp. So every time he was ramming into me, the lights kept turning on and off
Just looked at my bank statement. 9 out of 10 transactions on the first page were from 9 different bars. The 10th was for birth control pills at the pharmacy. I need to rethink my lifestyle.
Just convinced the cute guy from class that I have prostate cancer. GET ME OUT OF THIS TOWN!
I would let him fuck me right here in this laundromat. Praise Satan.
Randomize
