my boyfriend just named your boyfriend's penis.
Have you ever noticed every guy named Shaant has scene hair and date girls with racoons stripes in theirs
His name should be shouldn't
How are you going to be there by 9am?
Relax I always go to these conferences hung over
You say that like it's a positive quality
Got a basket, 50 condoms, some candy, 100 plastic eggs & my bunny costume. Campus will feel my wrath in 2 weeks
Dear vodka that I hid in a water bottle in the backseat of Blairs car, I'm sorry that she gave you away to a man on side of the road with an over heated engine. I'm sure the car doesn't appreciate you as much as I would have.
The frequency that you give me blue balls couldn't be healthy.
M WATCHING THE HISTORY CHANNEL AND IT SAID THAT WHEN THE LUST PART OF THE BRAIN IS ACTIVATED THE JUDGEMENT PART IS NOT. THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
My mom is helping me re-arrange my room to make New Year's more hook-up friendly
I enjoyed our heart to heart in the trunk on the way to the stripclub
woke up to a case of keystone on my porch when I went to bed at seven that morning.. I think it's someone's peace offering for getting my roommates car towed
I can't believe you're forcing me to handle this hangover sober
I got bit by a peacock. That's how hard shit went down last night.
I don't mean to crush your hopes and dreams but having sex IN the Stanley Cup isn't possible
She’s a Vegas 8, which makes her an Oklahoma 27
Last night was a bad idea. I'm hungover and the contents of my purse smell like Korean BBQ.
Randomize
