remember that time that crown gas station wouldn't sell us a lighter so we had to use matches and birthday candles to smoke with a toilet paper roll? sometimes i miss high school
he pushed my hair back because he said it made me look like kelly kapowski and he told me to call him zach
My grandma just told me that she sharted, no I am not having fun in El Paso.
Her friend drew me a diagram of how we could get away with her giving me a blowjob at work.
God, you're like boner-b-gone
I don't know, But i remember him licking ecstasy off my boobs and my boyfriend cheering him on
Dating Detox Day 5: had to go out and buy new batteries. this may be harder than I thought
Dad and I are shitfaced screaming at Canadians in Walmart. Life is good.
This hangover is so bad, we are pregaming Chinese food with pizza.
Some cougar Brit said she loved me. America is bouncing back.
I got to see a stripper that did magic last night. It was glorious.
Do you think it would be a margarita if you just out tequila in a sonic slush?
I don't know. I wanna do you but I also want a cheeseburger.
He sent me a dick pic from his living room and it has pictures of his three kids in the background
eating a weed cupcake with nutella on top at work. i AM a star!
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