summer is not the time to consider going full bush.
Yeah not really sure what I said but I remember "douchebag" and "fuck your own face"
To a 70 year old lady?!
Do you know any thirteen year old jewish kids? I'm looking for a party.
Someones grandma was rubbing my back. I'm way too high for this.
It's just like riding a bike. Only it's a dude's face.
I think my hopes are too high for this one. The only other bachelorette party I've been to I was felt up by a Chippendale's dancer and smoked a joint with the party bus driver.
I'm doing the Macarena naked in my living room right now
I see you're taking unemployment seriously.
Being engaged is strange. I looked at my cock this morning and said, "we did alright these last 32 years, right?"
The struggle bus crashed, rolled down a mountain, and went on fire, and I was on it ugh.
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
And then before we had sex he was quoting space jam to me
i’m blowing bubbles in my bloody mary so yeah it’s pretty much time to go
Adderall went through the wash. Took it anyway. Wish me luck.
I just walked in on Joel doing a buck naked tripod headstand in front of the mirror so he could see the bug bite on his balls
I just found a condom in my jolly ranchers bag. This is a good omen.
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