Even my Mr Clean Magic Eraser can't make last night disappear.
thank you for a lively/lovely evening :)
should have blown me.
can you explain to me why you commented on every one of my profile pics with "tits and beer ftw" please and thank you.
Either he has two lazy eyes or he really likes my tits..
Holy shit. This 2 year old just told me her nipples were for her boyfriend. Hello future leaders of america
We are getting high tomorrow and being statues at the cafeteria. Come find us.
He brought me bullshit flowers and a bullshit apology. Even shrek did more than that for Fiona. And he's an ogre. Does this not say anything about him?
you should be awarded for your promiscuity.
i really should.
I don't know whether to call the hospital or call the prison first.
he just sat there, in the doorway of my dorm room, chuggin a fifth like nobodys buisness.. don't know whether to fuck him or be afraid of his confidence
He asked me what I wanted the cake to say and I then asked him if "I'm sorry for throwing up in your bed last night" was too long. He said it was...
I can't finger myself when I'm all distracted about whether or not your family is going to like me
She found my old SD card with stuff I "didn't keep" or "didn't record us doing".... She's pissed but really horny. Did I just win at sex?
He said he was Greek American and that is why my legs slammed shut. During the World Cup there are only Americans.
Hey, sorry for threatening to teabag your mom to death last night
Randomize
