to be honest..when i was little i used to think sharks can swim out of drains and eat people
We walked through the hotel lobby in slow-mo taking huge steps because we were astronauts, and astronauts obviously can't be drunk.
We were talking about threesomes when she went to say who she would have as her third. She did not get to finish her sentence because her bf already said my name.My sheer presence destroys relationships.
I just sprawled out on my bedroom floor and cried while shoveling chocolate into my mouth.. I should not have Bacardi at home
Then pass out next to me, I'll be under a pong table or a park bench. Really depends on the weather during Mifflin
Hahaha it was a great moment in my life. This must be what post child birth feels like, given you don't get a combined asshole/ vagina
You're only allowed to hookup with one freshman a semester. MAKE IT COUNT.
I cried at the bouncer while saying I wished he was my father... They had no idea what to do with me.
You're about to makeout with my vagina, I don't think she cares that you haven't brushed your teeth. Just get over here!
I will be there. invited or not. I go where the pancakes go.
I think the best course of action at this point is to cut his balls off to get him to stop reproducing
I told my fuck buddy that I wanted one of his arms to take home with me to hold onto in bed and he was hurt that I didn't want to bring him, like as a person, home to my family. I feel like you and only you could appreciate this.
I have an interview tomorrow! The couple we regularly swing with said I could use them as references. Winning
Is it too much to ask for 10 minutes of privacy while I masturbate?
don't think less of me for this, but i'm pretty sure he did a line off my boob last night.
Randomize
