the best part about tonight...knowing when i wake up in the morning his car will still be full of packing peanuts..and mine wont
We had sex in the ocean but the tide took our clothes away too. Its no fun walking back to the dorm wearing only a beach blanket between you.
Just found out my mom's voicemail password is 6969..
He kept spanking me and talking about biomedical science.
Aw, you fucked a pre-med? you're moving up in the world!
Well if all fails we can always become surrogate mothers. I hear that pays well.
I wonder what it's like for my roommate to live bicuriously thro my sex life
Using a 12 year old as a wingman. Does that make me a bad person?
The dorm having an ice machine is their way of inviting us to make mixed drinks.
then he grabbed my tit and yelled "FOR NARNIA!!" then dove into my vag. i think I will do him again strictly for the entertainment value
you can only text me tonight if its in drake lyrics. thats the rule
We started a fund for a baby in a wine glass, I think we're pretty responsible.
You literally just told me you're ditching me because of pizza. PIZZA? Wow.
Tears For Fears is the only thing getting me through life at this moment.
Do it break your family into faction start a civil war
I was pretty sure he wouldn't be into me after I fucked his brother, and then his best friend, and yet, here I am doing lines off his stomach
Randomize
