dude just tell them you don't wear clothes. they'll understand
i was high and broke so i stole a roast chicken and a 40 inch sheet cake from wegmans and ate in a bathroom stall.
We walked in and the first thing we heard was, "OH SHIT! White chicks!" Naturally, I made some new male friends.
she kicked me out for pissing in the recycling bin. I mean, is it really THAT big of a deal?
She talked about nothing but beanie babies for 45 minutes. I'm never getting high with her again.
I am not saying a eulogy for your vibrator.
she was literally 3 feet away from the garbage can, said she couldn't make it, and then proceeded to vomit on the floor in front of everyone in the restaurant
Oh shit. My drunken car sex is on Google Earth.
How is it possible that I'm still a virgin and you've managed to have sex in a cheetah print onesie TWICE
Just thought of the perfect gift for mom.... how about not telling her about my fourth open intoxicant ticket I got last night?
You either got a dog, or you have a boy over. I can't tell from the noises which it is.
Why did I wake up naked with a leg cramp and and extra $550 in my wallet?
I'm bringing pajamas, aspirin, morning after clothes and morning after pill
My hook-up from last week somehow found me at the club, saw the girl I was trying to fuck, kissed me right in front of her, and walked off.
He just took off his shirt. I'll text you later.
Randomize
