Well, I'm a guy so I don't have one, but if its anything like the inside of my nose, yes, vodka would burn.
Woke up and went out for a cigarette and it was dead quiet. It was like the world just knew how many mistakes were made last night.
He thinks MY vagina is tight. That's saying something.
You just begged me to mute the porn and watch her ass bounce while listening to dubstep the whole time.
Just made a drunk dude do 20 push-ups. In the parking lot of the bar tonight for a keystone light I found in the back of my truck.
Oh yum
He looks like he's going to feed me a taco and then stab me. It's probably a good idea he's a lawyer
i could've stared at her spine forever man..she was so deep, and she made a drink out of vodka and organic mangoo shit. i will find her and present that goddess with some fucking gummies
you're no longer allowed out of my sight at parties
What good is being a girl if you can't terrorize boys with pregnancy scares??
It's like "hey I give your roommate blowjobs twice a week, want to connect on LinkedIn?"
He dared you to draw a map of the USA on your wall in mustard. You drew something that vaguely resembled a velociraptor eating Oklahoma, got embarrassed because you forgot how to spell America, then hid out in the coat closet until everybody left.
He got punched in the face last night? By who? I’ll invite him to our formal. Seriously.
A log hopped out of the fireplace and caught the carpet on fire. Good summary of this election if you ask me.
I got a lap dance last night from a girl while I was wearing a Captian America onsie. My life does not suck.
I'm too pretty to go to jail. Especially in Louisiana.
He casually compared computer science to childbirth and I was like "hey, as someone who has wanted to fuck you for six months now, could you please never talk about childbirth ever again"
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