After he proceded to violently molest my tits until 9 am i snuck out of his room only to meet his mother downstairs, who informed me she heard the giant sexfest going on in the room next to them.. this was before she called us both "chickenshits".. worst walk of shame ever.
You can't like Harry Potter and Twilight. You have to pick. Vampires and Wizards are mutually exclusive.
She is the perfect woman. She cooks, gives good head and doesn't care that I have a small penis.
All I remember is saying that "fire will make it all better"
I almost caused an explosion; It's okay though. because everyone would have died having a good time.
just got home to find my brothers naked on the floor covered in chocolate. i am now nervous about sleeping in the same room as them
I don't have any bail money, if that's where this conversation is going
Some girl dressed in nothing but Wonder Woman underwear and a cape on her ass just started twerking all over us. Remind me why I'd never been to a midnight of Rocky horror before?
I'm about to take my 7th shot and I have to to go to dinner with my grandma in an half hour. What is my life.
I'm only coming over if you have cocaine or a snickers bar
whenever i get involved w someone i'm gonna give you their number to testify to the fact that they should not fall in love with me
We are gonna play a game I like to call what the fuck is in my pocket
Sharted again. Stuck in traffic. Fuck
I can’t shake the image of her gigantic black unibrow. It’s like I got a blowie from Eugene Levy
Who did he bring home?
Idk. But did you see her shoe choice by the stairs, I'm really not expecting anything great.
Randomize
