I'm pretty sure I left my reasoning skills at home last night, and just brought anger and rage with me.
It's more exciting when they aren't single....and even better when you have to pretend that you just slept with their roommate while trying to do the walk a shame as their girlfriend comes marching into the apt.
Im not the least bit jealous of the life you lead.
DUUUDE!! just found out that the fbi has a kids page. guess who's got a new jumior officer printout badge?
I'm going on a nature/throwup walk. Don't lock me out of the apartment.
Either allow it in a formal toast or i will drunkenly tell your in-laws while i'm dancing on their table. either way, the truth is coming out
I don't even want to think about the kind of person who would shit in the street before 10pm on a Sunday.
thanks for the 52 voicemails of you and crystal reciting the pleg of allegance
i ran into my coworkers when i was walking home last night. i was shirtless. i think i gave my shirt to Walter. he's a cat.
im still drunk. birthday week begins.
We opted you as the sacrificial dick tonight. We need our patron cafe. Go make some moves.
My public calorie counter app is pretty much just a cry for help.
Your boyfriend and I are bonding over your giant dick.
There is an alarming amount of urine in here.
MY TWIN SISTER IS ENGAGED. I REPEAT, MY SCREW UP OF A SISTER IS ENGAGED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I'll be there in 20 with vodka.
So the same great-aunt that told me to freeze my eggs for procreation just told me that I should strut around the dance floor b/c I'd get picked up.
I need to meet your family.
HIDE THE INFLATABLE PENIS
Randomize
