kevin brought a 6ft brunette runway model with him tonight. Now, im not sure what the fuck the color of the " i get it, its over, Im ugly" flag is.... but i'll wave it.
Was just shown the photos from a professional photoshoot my aunt had for their dog...not drunk enough for this...
My roommate just called. He's in Miami and has no idea how he got there. He also has a ticket to Buenos Aires that he can't explain. I figured you'd have the explanation.
So apparently I shook her hand very polite, said weiner and walked away
I'm mumbling to people and trying not to accidentally shit my pants
He walked door to door asking if anyone needed to get laid. Surprisingly, that ended his drought
When I picked you up, you were drinking Maker's Mark out of the bottle with a crazy straw.
Plus, it's just valuable. Virgin pee is very well-priced.
I just used a beer funnel to put gas in my car
I guess I can give it a shot. I usually just get belligerently drunk and go where my penis and feet lead me. No fights or getting too lost, so they seem to be doing a good job
I yelled at the dude who smoked him up "YOU'RE THE REASON I'M NOT GETTING LAID" then went to bed. So yeah, I guess it was an ok night.
I really hope you didn't eat the bowl of melted vanilla ice cream I left on the coffee table. Because it is not melted vanilla ice cream.
I just came so hard my hamstring felt like it was going to tear. I am also now a screamer
He will be so fat that the winter can not penetrate his blubber.
Why the fuck is Ian Naked eating string cheese in my guest bedroom?
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