oh my god. my mom just found my pipe. she thought it was a dildo.
like i said, there should be a sitcom about your family.
She just used a chaser for red wine.
I'm just trying to think of how much money Little Debbie would make if pot was legalized.
wanna get hammered and throw tomatoes at the people standing in line for the midnight showing of harry potter and yell whichcraft is evil
At what point in your drunken state would you actually believe that the cops wanted to party with you?
He needs to respect me before he can fuck me with cat ears on.
Dave got tied up again. I'm done breaking into girls houses to cut him loose. At least before noon.
The port-o-potty that I peed in last night didn't actually have a toilet in it. And i never told anyone until this moment.
At least you didn't get an invite in the mail to your fuck buddy's baby shower like I just did. My life is a sitcom
Don't worry my mom is buying me a vasectomy for Christmas
Talked to the dude for a hour . I now know where he lives, his occupation, his goals, his dreams and what his dick looks like.
At one point of the night i was standing at the bar and 3 of them had their hands down my pants, they were like thumb wrestling for it.
We had an argument over whether or not she had super strength. She settled it by dragging me to the bed room and throwing me on the bed. Then forcefully fucking me. She won the argument.
What are u up to today?
Marathon sex and eating.
fell asleep while jerking off ln. woke up to my hand in my pants and my cat crawling all over me
Randomize
