Theres a random in my bed. Omg but at least he's a law student?
Our relationship is like that beach boys song "help me Rhonda" and I'm fucking Rhonda. And Rhondas's the whore in case you've never heard it.
I was in the bathroom and heard my brother scream "YOU FAIL!!!", and I swear to GOD, I thought my penis was yelling at me.
My roommate just got home. Made an entire package of bacon. Ate it. And then went to bed.
You made a list of reasons why you should be on fear factor. You came up with 2 reasons: "I like fear" and "I am fear"
Survival tip #3: while you're hooking up with him, don't say he reminds you of his brother
I'm hungry
Come here to eat and play. It'll be like Dave and Busters except with sex
We bonded over the fact that we each, separately, got arrested on the same weekend.
I woke up spooning with a broom that someone taped a mustache too..i need to stop starting my nights by drinking "hangover" wine.
We finally have the house to ourselves and your out playing Lance Fucking Armstrong
I may have tried to encourage people to play a new game I invented last night. I called it Super Quarters. Like regular quarters, only using an AA medallion.
you know she was a bad idea when your mom offers to pay for an eHarmony account
when I called the strip club they said there was a note with my credit card. "girl who punched guy in throat" fuck daytona
I CLEANED MY BATHROOM FOR YOU!! betrayal
He was eating me out on a picnic table on the frame lake trail and right after I came, a group of hikers walked around the corner. Stood up just in time
And this is one of the many reasons why you need a car.
Randomize