i saw like six of her guido cousins in the jersey shore trailer alone. her family is having a dinner party for the premiere tonight.
Having a pigeon watch you poop is just creepy. Drunk or not.
thats the sluttiest christmas spirit ever.
Kegger tonight. 10pm. $5 coverfor unlimited booze. Proceeds benefit nuns from Uganda. Bring friends. No shit.
Beer Popsicles are better in theory
I just sent you a google doc listing all the reasons why I should stop hooking up with him. Feel free to add to it.
Someone spilled vodka all over the elevator floor. Bring straws.
Her idea of kinky involved a tazer
wtf?
I'm going back tonight
Just to be clear, the only reason you're allowed to scream "COCKTAIL SERVANT" at bartenders is because you have nice tits
I should start wearing my Batman shirt more often when I drink. Good things happen. All sorts of shit.
Is it inappropriate to send a happy 3-year anniversary of having a threesome with you and your ex girlfriend on easter text?
Made a pinky promise to a lesbian on crack in WeHo. No one knows what I promised
"She's seriously grinding on him while whispering into his ear, 'take me to McDonald's.'"
I've had more sex since the twins moved in than I'd had in the previous four years. They are the best wingman ever.
I bought him flowers and fake vampire fangs, cuz there's really not a greeting card that says "Sorry I got wasted last night and started a very sloppy bloodletting ritual.".
Randomize
