When she sits down, she uses her fat rolls like an arm rest.
a hangover this bad deserves a feeding tube
my mom is pro-life. I dare you to fuck me.
I love how adderall is equivalent to money on a college campus. just got a ride home and paid the driver in adderall...yeeah buddy
how do i tell her that i need alcohol to fuck her but at the same time i cant get a hard on with alcohol.
I already have one guy that I have regrettable sex with. I don't need another.
While I faked being asleep, he literally prayed to God out loud, asking for forgiveness for losing his virginity before marriage.
Was in the middle of a keg stand, the frat guys dropped me, and I broke my nose. My mom didn't enjoy that call from the hospital.
I fucking hate you. Some slutty looking drunk chick backed her ass up across the bar and started grinding on you. You ignored her because you didn't want to share you drink
I care about my drink far more than her feelings
Watching this game makes me realize that we have yet to do Skype shots. What kind of long distance alcoholics are we?
The body is still out there. I don't think my trainer realized when he asked me not to drink for 24 days, how often I see dead people
You know your Halloween costume is slutty when you have to shave your pubes to wear it.
Vodka for breakfast. With a side of Frankenberries. Don't judge me.
He showed his fake to the cop and was like "does the coloring look off to you?"
She's better-looking with the mask on.
Randomize
