well that was a long night...
dude, you were pretty messed up... what happened?
no idea... but i still woke up with my pirate hat on
have you facebook stalked him yet?
No, I don’t know his last name...
Just google his license plate numb
im using old socks as coasters. im going to make a great housewife.
He kept buying me shots of tequila. I decided to just save myself the half hour of toilet hugging and tell him straight up that I intended on sleeping with him. We got Tacos on the way home with all the money we saved.
also. he gave me a foot massage during 69ing when i got a cramp. he's a winner.
He got drunk and insisted on licking my eyeball and called it a test of my trust in him.
Just woke up next to our cab driver from last night. Please tell me this isn't happening.
She got stuck in the front door. She never told me how or why.
I am now the only person in my apartment who hasn't had sex in my bed.
You just handed me your ATM card and wrote your PIN number on a dollar bill and said "for bail money."
I dont even remember coming home... All my stuff is strewn randomly around my apartment... And I woke up at 5 sitting propped up in my bed with just my arm in a shirt
Can I just put my face in your boobs and forget the world?
Never thought I would be taunted by little kids about my walk of shame
I would have cried, probably tears of wine, but cried nonetheless.
So was this before or after he cried about trump?
After
Randomize
