I think about you every night.
I'm sorry.
this beer tastes like vomit already
Turned out not to be so bad. He had a big dick and i owed him for all the free beer over the year.
I can't figure out how to get this beer bong in my carry on without airport security questioning me as it goes through the x-ray.
It's been two days. My balls feel like watermelons.
on a scale of 1 to 'no sex' how busy are you this week?
no one was sober enough to set up jenga so we just threw the pieces at the last person to drink
I'm pretty sure at any given moment you could wring out my liver and get a couple of shots of jäger.
and then i signed some dudes back with a turkey hand print in honor of thanksgiving
I was convinced to buy a man thong.
But it's Armani so it's okay.
God I just out gayed myself.
Let's be honest dude, you almost cried when I gave you a handy, you are not ready for a relationship, I knew this.
a guy offered me a piece of pizza if I'd make out with a random girl. We got the whole damn box and I ain't even mad
Last time I checked he was house sitting for his ex while she was out of town with some new dude. He was crying about how the guy told him to stay out of his whiskey while he was gone. That's whipped
It says something about our relationship that he stole your phone to tell me about his dick at 3am and neither of us realized that wasn't you until just now
My manager gave me an envelope with money in it before he had vacation, and when I asked what it was for, he said it will be his bail money.
Randomize
