First off: I'm drunk so fuck you. Second: you weren't a bad girlfriend. Tres: thats 3 in spanish. Number 4: fuck 3 Doors Down
Wait, how do girls masturbate?
I dunno we use shower heads I guess.
..how does it fit?
We're like two naked peas in a sex pod.
worse. her friends hid in the bathroom while she gave me head and then screamed surprise right as i was about to cum
No she had like 2 shots and started ironing her clothes and whispering random shit in my ear
So getting drunk in honor of the bomb threat is legit right?
Today's work quote "if I looked like you, I'd be sitting on everyones face"
Way too stoned bro. Was laying down on my back and thought for a good 30 mins what it would be like to be a turtle stuck on its shell
Remember last time I drank with my mom? I asked if I got my dick sucking abilities from her.
Body shots with my MILFs MILF!!
All I did was send my mom an ecard
Yeah i just finished watching someone play ping pong with his penis it didn't fully register until after a few seconds
Your life has no conflict it's just a blur of sex and Netflix
I keep finding granola in my bed. This is what I get for sleeping with a guy from Oregon.
He thought reverse cowgirl meant he dressed up as a cowgirl. Honestly, it was more creepy than funny
Never in my life did I expect to see Eric's mom in a cheerleader outfit along with other women
Randomize
