Well douche your snatch and let's go!
yo i just woke up i feel so weird, and the absolut is still fill, so is the 30, what the fuck did we drink last night man? And will you please come out of the bathroom.
Bro... we didn't even hang out last night??
So I had sex in the woods... it was just as dirty as you'd expect it would be.. and not in a good way.
oh so you have enough money for the third eye blind concert but not enough for the morning after pill?
I haven't worn deodorant in like three days and have been laying around in my underwear listening to music and drinking. I think i've made my own Bonnaroo in my apartment.
woke up naked, spooning with wine bottle.. and my video chat was still open. fuck, not again.
I hate when you've made an ugly girl's day by having sex with her, and then she gets greedy and wants to cuddle after you cum.
Come on... In this relationship-economy, you gotta have "awesome blowjobs" on your resume.
So i literally just wrote sorry on my quiz and turned it in.
I found a sock full of anal beads in my dryer. At least she washes them.
I found someone's tooth on the stairs when I was vacuuming, and my sister found a catheter in the men's bathroom... this cleaning job is dangerous
Learn from me. Do not smoke cigs and fold laundry in your room. The cigarette will fall into the dresser without you noticing and your shirts will be on fire. Wanna go shopping tomorrow? I need some new shirts.
i didnt realize that your first thought would be SEXUALIZING BREAD
I am become drunk, destroyer of all worlds
Can you come over?
Sex??
Sure but there’s also a squirrel in my garage I need you to take care of.
Randomize
