careful when you do the walk of shame, they are handing out bibles on campus
Woke up with feathers in my hair. at work. still drunk. sooo awkward.
And Anthony pissed on himself at the strip club
I'm gonna laugh so hard when we're both married with families
That statement alone makes me laugh so hard.
I just bought condoms at Big Lots. please save this text so you can laugh at me in 9 months
Drunk me was responsible for doing it, but sober me was definitely cheering him on
I had to help you off the toilet floor because you couldn't get up, then you threw your drink on the floor and just said "oh dear" really calmly.
We just reached that moment of the night when you start making cookie quesadillas. Party on Wayne
I fcuked ip.
Is this your way of telling me that you got drunk in your office before meeting with your dissertation advisor again? Or that you finally banged that freshman fraternity pledge?
I will take a blow job from a dude that kinda looks like a girl at this point
Stop your judging. I got free booze AND an oil change. You're the one whose always saying we're spending too much money.
Give me an out of order sign and caution tape and we can have sex practically anywhere.
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
She wanted to get out of there before you guys woke up so she wouldn't let me find my underwear. Lol So I apologize to whoever finds that in your room.
it wasnt weird until his dog watched upclose as i put a tampon in
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