So tell me more about the cum that came out of your nose
You have more facebook pictures than most towns have people.
I'm way too drunk on a Sunday to handle this level of Jesus.
This kid is drunk.
I hope by "this kid" you mean yourself and not some child you have kidnapped and gotten wasted.
And whoever invented the condom should be put to death.
drunk me is my new role model. he's fearless. like not even afraid of tornadoes.
My google history shows every combination of "red lobster cheesy biscuits" possible.
I have a spoon shaped bruise on my ass...
Are my feet made of real feet?
You BETTER NOT STEAL MY MOTHERFUCKING SQUIRREL
We don't have sex anymore. We both agree that the olympics are more important to watch. All day. Also i don't look good compared to the athletes...
That's just a really flattering way of saying, "Yes, you're useless, but you have great tits."
I moved my bed to the living room so when a girl walks in she has to decide right away if shes in or out
You screamed "I NEED TO GET THE WHOLE SET!" and then proceeded to try touching everyone's balls in the room
Tell me about it. Running across highways take alot outta ya. When he found out, he was all "concerned" about it.
Randomize
