I wish I could test you the smell I just had to experience. It smelled like this lady was microwaving squirrel rectum.
you tried to clear everyones facebook status so that yours would be the only one on everyones home page
he said i was the most charming throwing up drunk person hes ever taken care of. so of course i had sex with him.
i put his shirt in a ziplock bag to preserve his smell
please tell me you are kidding me
I am sitting on the couch "eating" a frozen big bucket margarita with a spoon.
I can't wait for round whatever # we're on tonight.
I'm soaked in beer, and I think blood. Why did we think we could tap a keg with a hammer?
Miller High Life will be the death of me. Well, that and shower sex.
But theres a keg here and me gusta
He just walked up to me in the kitchen, pulled out his penis and stuck it in my sweatpants pocket.
It was probably cold. Sweatpants pockets are notoriously warm.
He managed to crash an entire train of shopping carts into a wall. I think he noticed my implants.
All I know is if i get a free preview weekend of HBO then I am recording Kindergarten Cop.
I don't care how hot she was. She didn't like Scooby Doo and I don't fuck with that.
I just realized this morning that my fridge is stocked with coronas, hot dogs, and cheese dip. And I just got waxed. High-five, your best friend is on track to be all kinds of slutty fun this wkd.
Your dick. My mouth. We have 20 minutes.
Randomize
