Already got asked if we're dating
Unfortunately, they didn't pull of their wake and bake plans. Instead, they waked and vomited like a half-retarded giraffe till everyone woke up.
u know what's depressing? a picture of an owl without a graduation cap
i'm not sure if i'm mentally prepared for this.. politeness? proper grammar? book reader ? this is a whole new meaning of the species penis for me.
you know it's time to start studying when you've procrastinated to the point where you're reading your roommate's ex-boyfriend's wall posts from 2006.
Pretty sure i didnt get thrown out cause why dont i have more bloody areas
Just paid my credit card bill at the bar. This phone makes it so I never have to leave
They told me you were taking cheese cube shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce... Is this true?
Woke up this morning in a randoms bed clutching an airplane ticket. God I hope I'm still in the country
I can motorboat myself in this new push-up bra. I need to go out tonight.
Just watched a guy get through airport security with a full bottle of captain morgan. In my head the entire airport cheered.
The best part about this city is obvious. Someone saw me crouching by a bar pissing in my leftover Panera bread bowl and they just winked.
Just try not to burn your pubes off with sparklers this year.
No promises
I DESERVE A BEADED TATTOOED MAN I'VE WANTED ONE FOR SO LONG
BEARDED TATTOOED MEN ARE PEOPLE AND NOT THINGS TO BE GIVEN FREELY
i just drunk stumbled into my home... to figure out that we moved 2 weeks ago..
Randomize
